Last Night I Dreamt Reality
by Mascoty
Summary: Elena wakes up after her accident with Matt and realizes that everything that happened since her first accident with her parents was a dream. Set after 3x22. AU
1. Prologue

_Dear Diary,_

_I missed you. I haven't been able to write for too long. Fortunately, everything is starting to fall into place. After the accident life was odd. Slowly I'm discovering the real world, once again…_

* * *

Elena's eyes couldn't see anything. It was pitch black. She started feeling a little bit dizzy and some noises were slowly becoming clearer. There was a repetitive "bip" and a couple of distant voices. She tried to move but couldn't. She tried to blink but it felt like her eyes were glued. She moaned and, making the strongest effort possible, she finally opened her eyes and saw some distorted light. A man's voice yelled "She is awake! She is awake!". The voice was familiar and it gave her more strength to fight through the rigidness of her body. As she pushed and pulled, the silhouette started forming and she couldn't believe it. Her little brother, sweet Jeremy, was there holding her hand and calling for her.

"Elena? Can you hear me? Elena, please answer me, it's Jer, your brother, can you hear me?"

She wanted to speak but her mouth couldn't form any words. With swollen eyes she made an effort to look at him and forced her lips to at least outline a smile.

"Elena! You're there! I missed you so much", he held her strongly and it felt good.

Tears started rolling from both their faces and when Elena had her eyes completely open she finally was able to mutter "Jer! I'm so sorry, where is he? Is he ok?"

"Elena, now is not the time, you have to rest, we'll talk later, you take it easy now, ok?"

"I have to know Jer, how is Matt?"

The question took Jeremy by surprise. He thought she was asking for their father. Why was she worried about Matt?

"He's fine, he's been here but he had to go home and he won't take long, ok? Don't you worry, he'll come soon. You just relax."

"Is he fine? Is he good? Jer, I'm so happy he's alive. I'm so happy Stefan saved him."

Jeremy was even more confused, when had Matt ever been in danger? Who was that Stefan she was talking about? Now was not the time to question her, she had to rest and take it easy. He was just happy that she had finally woken up.

"Elena, you have to calm down, everything will be ok, I'll go get a nurse to check on you. Be right back sis."

Elena felt good that Matt was alright but she sensed something strange about Jeremy, as if something was off. She really thought she wouldn't make it. She felt death coming and she hadn't any more strength to hold on to. Had Stefan been that fast that he was able to save her? What had happened? How did she make it? Anyway, she was too tired and quickly fell sound asleep.

A couple of hours must have passed and Elena was still asleep. The nurse who checked up on her told Jeremy that she was recovering and the doctor would talk to him as soon as possible. Jeremy let himself relax for a while on the maple inside Elena's room. He told the nurse how her discourse didn't make any sense, but was advised to wait for the doctor, as he would explain everything he needed to know. Jeremy felt tired. Now that Elena had awakened from her coma, his body started to give in. It has been some months since the accident, some months eagerly waiting for her sister to wake and return to life. She was here now, and his body and his mind needed some rest, desperately.

Jeremy was napping for some time now when Matt came into the room.

"Is it true? Did she wake up?"

"Hey man, yeah, it is.", Jeremy said suddenly.

"How is she?"

"She seemed…fine, I guess. For someone who has been asleep for so long, I could still see her in there, you know? Not just some lifeless body."

"Did she say anything?"

"Actually, she asked for you."

"For me? Really?", Matt was surprised. They had a huge fight before the accident and it looked like they were done. Now that she was asking for him he felt slightly hopeful. Perhaps they could work things out and give their relationship another try.

"Yeah man, it was weird, she asked how you were and that she was glad you were alive. Did anything happen? When were you, you know, _not alive_?"

"What? Hey, nothing happened! I told you, we had an argument and it felt like we were done, nothing more. I didn't do anything."

"Do you know anyone called Stefan? Was anybody with that name at the party?"

"Stefan? No, never heard of him. Why? She told you about a Stefan?"

"She said Stefan saved you…"

"What the… Something's not right. Jer, I…"

"Matt?", Elena's voice echoed in the room.

"Elena!", Matt ran towards her bed where he came to an alt. He looked at her and she was smiling a weird smile. She was still sleepy but he felt comfortable enough to slowly sit beside her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good…ish. How are you?"

"I'm fine, I'm happy you're back."

"And how is Stefan? Where is he?"

Matt looked up at Jeremy, both of them exchanging a worried look.

"What?" Elena said with a serious face now.

"Elena," Matt started "who is Stefan?"

Jeremy locked his gaze at Elena's face, searching for any sign of what was going on.

"What?" Elena said angrily.

"I mean, we don't know any Stefan."

"Stefan, as in Stefan Salvatore."

"Did you meet Stefan at the party?"

"What party?" Elena's heart was starting to beat too rapidly, she was getting impatient and this whole conversation was frustrating. "You two tricked me and took me from the house, you said it was to keep me safe from Alaric, Klaus and everyone. Come on guys!" Elena's frustrated voice was loud.

Doctor Fell came into the room noticing the heaviness inside.

"So, you're awake Miss Gilbert. How are you feeling?"

"I'm… fine, tired but fine.", Elena's voice was lower now, but she still gave Matt and Jeremy a look that clearly implied how this conversation was not over.

"You are aware of the accident you were involved in?", Dr. Fell was checking her up now.

"Yes, I am."

"So, tell me, what is the last thing you remember?", when this words came out of his mouth Jeremy and Matt quickly looked at Elena, curious of what the answer would be.

"Well, I was with Matt, we were driving back to Mystic Falls and I saw someone in the middle of the road. I alerted Matt and he lost control of the van. I guess the rest is self-explanatory. We drove off the bridge and here I am."

"Alright Miss Gilbert, I'm going to talk to your brother and in a little bit I'll send a colleague to talk to you, ok? Don't get too stressed with these two, you need to rest.", he smiled at her, a reassuring smile.

Elena was confused, this situation was too weird. How could Matt and Jeremy not know about Stefan? What happened? She was desperate for some answers.

Jeremy followed Dr. Fell into the corridor and Matt quickly followed, "I'll get you some water Elena, you look dry". Before she could say anything to get him to stay with her, he was out the door. She pulled herself up to sit on the bed. Her body felt numb as if she had slept for too long in the same position. She powered through the pain and looked out the window into the corridor where her brother and the doctor were talking. She stood still observing what they might be talking about…

"Well, Mr. Gilbert, I have strong reasons to believe your sister is suffering from some kind of post traumatic stress. She doesn't recall things as they actually happened. She refers to people that don't exist. I'll send a colleague of mine, Dr. Rose, an excellent psychiatrist, to examine your sister and work with her. Usually when this happens it is a way for the patient to cope with the pain, with the trauma." Dr. Fell noticed the look on Jeremy's face, he had a puzzled and worried gaze. "Don't worry Mr. Gilbert" said the doctor putting his hand on Jeremy's shoulder, "your sister will be just fine. She will recover her external wounds and her mind will get cleared as well. She is strong, she will get through this", giving Jeremy a last nudge on his shoulder, Dr. Fell retracted his hand back to his pocket. He excused himself and went back to his office where he took care of passing Elena's process to his good colleague, Dr. Rose.

Jeremy and Matt came once again into Elena's room. She looked at them waiting for answers, her eyes were locked on both.

"What is going on?"

The silence was getting too heavy.

"What did the doctor say!" her voice was so irritated that the boys had to look back at her. Jeremy straightened himself and walked towards her bed. He sit down next to her and decided to be as honest as possible.

"Elena, you have been asking for people that we don't know. You have been narrating events that didn't actually happen. It is as if you... dreamed. Your mind seems to have constructed these memories in order to protect you of the pain that mom and dad's death might have caused you."

Elena didn't understand a thing of what Jeremy was saying, "Jer, mom and dad died over a year ago. Yes, it was hell, it is still painful, but this accident was different. It was Rebekah!"

"Who is Rebekah? There is nobody called Rebekah here."

"Come on! What is going on with you guys? Where is Stefan?", right after proffering these words, it hit Elena, "oh my God, where is Damon? How is he?". The boys looked at each other not knowing how to react. "How is Damon?", Elena said in a tense voice.

"We don't know any Stefan or Damon...Elena, I'm trying to tell you, listen to me, please, you made things up in your head that you will have to deal with, and I'm here for you, whatever you need."

Elena looked at Matt, waiting for a sign that she wasn't making things up, but he couldn't even keep his gaze straight at her. His supposed girlfriend was asking for other guys that he didn't know. Matt realized that she was actually his ex-girlfriend, and no matter what turmoil of feelings was forming inside of him, she was more broken than he was. She needed him to be there for her and help her recover.

"Your brother is telling you the truth Elena, there is nobody in Mystic Falls with those names. You were in an accident with your parents and you have been blacked out for months." He came closer to the foot of the bed "But don't worry, you'll be fine" and he glanced at her his reassuring look. Matt was always so calm and protective of her. To her, she knew he was just her great friend Matt, but she recalled how closer they were before and, if before wasn't actually as long ago as she remembered, the awareness came to her of what might be going on inside of him. How he might still be hopeful of their future together.

Elena was confused and this conversation was giving her a tremendous headache. She told the boys that she felt tired and wanted to sleep. They left the room with the promise that Jeremy would come back later.

Turning and tossing in her uncomfortable hospital bed, Elena couldn't sleep. After the news she was told she was restless. She knew Stefan and Damon were real. How could she fabricate everything that had happened? This couldn't all be just a fantasy. Every time she closed her eyes she saw in front of her the bright blue eyes that used to stiffen her. She worried about Damon, how would he be after everything he was going through that night? Stefan came to her, she saw him, he was alive. But the last conversation she had with Damon was over the phone, she didn't see him, she had no idea how he was. Had he lashed out after their conversation? She was afraid he might have done something stupid. Damon believed he was going to die and now he knew she had chosen Stefan, so it was just a matter of time before he did something really stupid. She missed him, though. Elena found herself always wanting to hear his voice again, feel his hands on her face, gaze into his eyes and adorable smirk. Why was she so worried and longing of Damon? She wondered why wasn't she thinking of Stefan more. After all, she chose him. She was sure of her choice, it was Stefan, it_ would always be Stefan_. Buried in her thoughts, somehow Elena managed to fall asleep, a restless sleep that got her through the night.

* * *

_The first day back felt strange. The world was peaceful again. Life seemed simpler. Nevertheless, I could never shake off the feeling of how real that dream felt. It felt too real to be ignored. It didn't matter if nobody else knew about my time with the Salvatore brothers. I wasn't ready to let go of it all. I knew that somewhere would be some kind of hint to the existence of those two._

_**I hope you enjoyed the Prologue of this story. This is my first fan fiction ever, so if you like it or if you have any feedback you would like to give me, don't forget to review. I really like to hear back from you guys :)**_


	2. Chapter 1

_Dear diary,_

_It was shocking. Waking up to a bright and sunny day was terribly shocking. There are no vervain necklaces or bracelets. Not a single daylight ring in sight. The sun is warm and people smile outside. I'm learning again not to worry about who I invite into the house. I'm supposed to be careful, as always should, but not in a "_I'm a doppelganger and I must be protected"_ kind of way. The world is simple again, or is it?_

* * *

The room was quiet. Elena was sound asleep in her cold hospital bed. With the sun coming into the room, glaring her eyes, she slowly began to wake up. While she looked out the window, she started recalling the revelation she had had. Was it even possible that it was all just a dream? If it was, then it means neither Stefan nor Damon are here, they don't even exist. If it was just a dream, can it be that there is no Klaus? No Originals? Bonnie is not a witch? Caroline is not a vampire? Is there even an Alaric? What about Jenna? Can it be that she is alive? Oh my God! Jenna is alive!

Elena leaped in her bed staying now sit instead of laying down. She was immediately more awake than ever. At first Elena didn't quite understand what this could mean. She could only think about how Stefan and Damon wouldn't be there anymore. But now she saw the world besides the brothers. She understood she was not a doppelganger, her friends and family were not in danger anymore and they were alive, human, normal as they should be. There are no witches, nor vampires, let alone hybrids.

Barging into the silence there was a crescent noise, someone was rushing, almost running in the corridor. The sound was getting louder, nearer, until it stopped.

"Oh my God, Elena!"

"Jenna!"

Elena's eyes filled with tears, she wanted to run towards her aunt but the stupid IV's wouldn't let her. Jenna came to her bed and they both hugged so tightly.

"I can't believe you're here."

"I know sweetie, I'm so sorry."

"I missed you Jenna, a lot."

"I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier." They pulled apart. Both their faces were swollen with tears as they were an emotional wreck. "When Jeremy called me saying you had woken up, I came as fast as I possibly could. Now everything will be alright, ok?"

Elena had no idea how she managed her life without Jenna in it.

"When can I come home?"

"I'll talk to the doctor, don't you worry about a thing."

Elena nodded. It felt so good to have a proper adult family member taking care of her. Jeremy wanted to protect her, always, but she is the older sister, and every evil thing that happened was because of her, because she was the doppelganger. So Elena always felt responsible. She was the one who had to take care of Jeremy, not the other way around. When she lost Jenna, she still managed to hold onto Alaric. They both needed a family and he was a teacher, a hunter, a respectable person who always worried and took care of them both. But then he was caught in the middle of the supernatural drama, once again, and Elena lost him too. She felt alone, completely and utterly alone. Bonnie and Caroline had their troubles as well. Stefan gave himself up to Klaus to save Damon, which Elena could understand, she would do anything for Jeremy, but when she went rescue him Stefan didn't seem to want to be saved. He didn't fight to free himself from Klaus. He knew she had gone through hell and back to get him, and he still wouldn't hand over his hand and do a little push so that she could take it. No. Elena did everything in her power, she went against everyone, against Damon, she put her life in danger and the lives of her loved ones in order to save the man she loved, or she thought she did. Now it didn't seem so clear. But somewhere along the line Stefan really abandoned her. And this time, it wasn't to save Damon or anyone, for that matter. This time he just chose not to fight for his heart anymore. The only one constant in her life, her rock, her shoulder to cry on and her support, was Damon. And to her, this revelation was as powerful as her previous one.

Breaking through her thoughts was a knocking from the door. A very familiar woman was standing there. Elena had to let her brain process everything. Just a minute ago she saw Jenna, she hugged her, she got the ultimate proof that she is alive and well. Now, could it be? Is it possible? Is that Rose?

"Rose?" inaudibly mumbled Elena.

"Hello Elena, I'm Dr. Rose. How are you feeling?" she said coming into the room.

"I'm sorry," Elena was confused "_doctor_ Rose?"

"Yes?"

She was exactly like the Rose from her dream, even the accent was the same which meant she wasn't from Mystic Falls. Elena took that as an opportunity to ask questions without seeming nosy, could she really approach her doctor with a "Hi! You are a handful hundred years old vampire from my dream which I thought was as real as…well, you!"? Of course not. This was her chance and she was going to take it. Elena wanted to be in control, she wasn't very keen on having to share her dream with a stranger. However, Rose didn't seem like a stranger, she was Rose after all…

"Your accent, may I ask where are you from?"

"Sure. I'm from Sr. Austell, England." Rose waited for a reaction from Elena but she couldn't say anything. "Is everything ok, Elena?"

"Yes, yes it is." Said Elena now fully concentrated on the doctor in front of her. "I'm sorry, you just remind me of someone." This was extremely weird and Elena was confused, not knowing what to think and how to react. Right at that moment she just wanted to be left alone so that she could make sense of everything. What could this mean? If Rose is a doctor in Mystic Falls, perhaps Stefan and Damon are around as well. But she never saw anyone before her parents' accident and this information doesn't work in her favor.

"Really?" Rose sit on the armchair near Elena's bed.

"Yes, did I know you before the accident?"

"No, that would be impossible. I just moved here a month ago."

It still wasn't making sense to Elena.

"So this is really weird."

"Is it? How so?"

Elena tilted her head to the right and with a cordial and challenging smile she said: "I'm sure you know. I'm sure that by now everyone in Mystic Falls knows that I've turned crazy."

Rose got clearly uncomfortable with Elena's harsh words. She straightened herself up in the chair and leaned a little bit towards Elena.

"First of all, yes Elena, I do know that right now you are slightly confused with what is real and what is not. But that doesn't make you crazy, at all. You shouldn't see yourself as a crazy person just because your life is complicated right now. From where I stand, and from what you're saying and your whole attitude, I can honestly say you are a brave strong woman. Second of all, I would like to properly present myself. I'm Dr. Rose, you can avoid the doctor part, just call me Rose, and I'm your psychiatrist. Once again, don't let this word deceive you. I'm here to talk to you, please look at me as the guardian and keeper of your secret. I'm the one you can share your reality with. I won't judge, that is not my place. I honestly just want to help you adjust to this world. You have been through a lot, Elena, and within yourself you carry a little bit of your pre-accident life, your dream life, and you'll gather new things from this new post-everything life. I'll just be your bridge, my place is in between all these lives of yours making the crossing as smooth as possible."

Elena was speechless. She knew this wasn't the vampire Rose she once knew; nevertheless she was remarkably similar and that was somehow comforting.

"Fine," Elena sighted "how is this going to go then?"

"Right now I would like to talk to you some more. I'd also like to continue seeing you once a week and then we'll probably stretch it a bit."

Elena looked at her with a face as blank as possible. She didn't like people trying to read her, it felt like invading her privacy. When she needed to talk she would go to her diary. It wouldn't respond back, but it wouldn't have expectations as well. Dr. Rose could say she wouldn't judge as much as she wished, opening her heart this way would never feel comfortable. Sure, Rose was being sweet, approachable and all, but it was too much to tell anyone, except Bonnie. Where was she? How come she hasn't visited yet? In Elena's dream Bonnie wasn't very fond of the Salvatores, but that was the Bennet witch inside of her talking. At the end of the day, Elena and Bonnie were like sisters, she could trust her with her life.

"So, Elena, why did you ask if we'd met before?"

"Because you were in my… dream." Elena said reluctantly.

"Really?" Rose was surprised "And why do you have such difficulty using the word dream?"

"It didn't feel like one. It felt real." Elena was surprised how quickly she was able to answer this question. She felt angry, even though she was beyond happy knowing the people she cared about were alive, that all the bad things didn't actually happen, she wasn't able not to feel a little bit betrayed by her unconscious at the same time. It was hard like hell to come to terms with a supernatural reality. And now that wasn't actually reality? What was it then? It just couldn't be a simple, stupid and moronic dream.

"And you're angry about that?"

"Of course I am!" Replied Elena blatantly. "I mean…" she was hesitant now "there are some good things, great actually, about it being just my imagination running wild."

"Can you elaborate, please?" Rose needed to understand what was rooting deep inside Elena.

Elena straightened herself up and leaned towards Rose, as if she was taking a leap of faith telling this to her doctor. Or perhaps, she was choosing not to look at her as a doctor but the woman she once knew.

"I believed that when I woke up after my parents' accident, I had woken up to a world filled with supernatural beings. I was somehow supernatural too. Unfortunately, I was a much requested person and people didn't care about their ways to get to their means. So I saw a lot of people I cared about being hurt, even killed. To actually wake up and realize that nobody's in danger, that I'm still surrounded by those people, it's great, truly amazing."

"Okay," Rose relaxed in her chair not making this situation more uncomfortable or weird than it needed to be. She was grabbing all the trust she could get from Elena. "Then how come you were so angry at first? What do you miss about your dream?"

"I… I'm not sure." She was taken aback. It probably didn't seem like an honest answer, but at that moment it truly was. Saying out loud the good things coming from it all being just a dream made Elena put everything in perspective. She would never trade the lives of her loved ones, her friends and family, for the love of two vampires.

At that moment, Jenna and Dr. Fell came into the room.

"Good morning Elena." Greeted Dr. Fell. "If Dr. Rose agrees, you will be able to go home today."

A smile spread across Elena's face and she looked attentively at Dr. Rose with begging eyes.

"I believe Elena is ready to go home. She is well aware of where she stands." Rose stood up and started writing something in a piece of paper. "Elena, I'm prescribing you some pills that will help you relax. Take them once a day in the morning, but if you can't sleep or feel extra anxious take another one and in half an hour you should feel better."

Elena nodded. All she wanted was to go home and feel like she belonged somewhere again.

"A nurse will come right up to help you get ready while we are taking care of your discharge papers." Dr. Fell said before stepping out of the room followed by Jenna and Dr. Rose.

Elena was relieved to finally see her house and be in her room again. She needed to be surrounded by all her familiar things.

When Elena finally got home it felt strange. So much had happened here and, at the same time, it didn't happen at all. Everybody was expecting her to be depressed because of her parents' death. What they didn't know is that Elena had time to mourn them. She had mourned a lot of people which, in fact, didn't need to be mourned. And that was a relief. Nevertheless, the house felt empty, lacking something while, at the same time, it felt peaceful and safe. Maybe she just wasn't used to that anymore.

Jeremy, who was playing on his Xbox, quickly left his game and came to the door.

"Welcome back home sis."

Elena smiled timidly. She glanced the surroundings but couldn't let herself move.

"Do you need any help, Elena?" asked Jeremy.

"I think I would just like to go to my room. I kind of miss it."

"Sure. I'll be around here so if you need anything just ask. Oh, and I'll order something for dinner, do you miss pizza Elena?"

Elena laughed. It was really comforting seeing Jenna be Jenna again.

"Of course, pizza would be great."

"Here, I'll help you get this to your room." Jeremy offered.

"Thanks."

Just when Elena stepped inside her room, she had to stop. Something was missing. The bed was immaculate, everything was cleaned, everything seemed light and perfect. The window was open, which made Jeremy laugh. Apparently, Jenna had a maternal moment going on and she decided to air out the room.

"So, if you don't need me, I'll be playing some more." Jeremy kissed his sister on her forehead and left.

Elena started going around trying to figure out what was missing. Her teddy bear was in his place on her bed. Her diary was hidden on the second shelf behind that really hideous ceramic mermaid, as it was supposed to. Her mirror filled with pictures and memories from all the important people and moments in her life. And just as Elena looked towards her window, she finally got it. It wasn't something missing, it was someone. Stefan would always come through the door, he was that polished. Only at extreme moments would he resort to her window. It was as if her mind was expecting Damon to be there when she came into her room. It always scared her, to come in and see someone there. But now she missed it. She so badly needed to know what happened after that phone call.

Elena went to her shelf, got her diary and a pen, picked up her teddy bear and settled on her window seat.

* * *

_Some people would give everything to get a second chance in life. I was awarded that chance. I believe I was supposed to take it without hesitation. That would be the right thing to do. However, I have to know. I have to find a way to dream again, I need to see him again._

**Author's note: Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. This was a hard one to write and I couldn't have done it without Anya's precious help. She is truly the best! I answered all your reviews and I'll keep doing so. Thank you all so much for the love and support :)**


	3. Chapter 2

_Dear diary,_

_A lot of people talk about how one person can feel lonely even when surrounded by others. I can attest how true that is. Today I felt exactly the same. I'm surrounded by amazing people who love me and who I love deeply. However, there is still something missing. I had to find out what it was…_

* * *

Jenna called Elena after the pizza got delivered, but didn't get any answer. She went to her room and saw Elena fast asleep by her window seat. Jenna couldn't bring herself to wake her. She needed some rest and they could always reheat the pizza later. Jenna picked up a blanket and tucked Elena. It broke her heart to see her like this, so fragile and weak. What she didn't know was how strong her niece is, and has been. Who could imagine that, through some months of real inactivity, someone could grow up so much and get so strong with just a simple dream? It would never cross anyone's mind. Elena could look tired, fragile and weak, but this girl was becoming more of a woman day by day. She is growing up, stronger and tougher. Elena would always be caring, compassionate and full of love. But now she knew who to give it all to. During those adventures in her dream, she came to realize that not everyone is worthy of all her kindness. She might look ordinary, but she was truly extraordinary as someone had once pointed out.

By morning time the house was full of life. There were dishes clattering, glasses clinking, the smell of fried bacon and scrambled eggs was hanging in the air. Elena woke up disoriented with all these sounds coming from the kitchen. While getting herself up she noticed she was not where she thought she was. She distinctively remembers being by her window seat last night. However, she just woke up in her bed still dressed. Apparently she slept all night on top of her made bed with just a small blanket comforting her. Her diary was closed in her bed side table and the cute, yet slightly embarrassing, teddy bear was sitting next to her pillow. This was disconcerting but Elena thought Jeremy might have taken her to bed, so that she was more comfortable.

After freshening herself up, Elena went downstairs to see what was going on.

"Oh my God! Elena!"

She had barely gone through the kitchen door when Caroline screamed and ran to hug her friend.

"Wow, hi Caroline."

"How are you? Are you ok? Did you sleep well? Do you need anything?"

"Yes, I need you to breathe, ok?" Elena said with a smile.

Coming behind Caroline was Bonnie. This time it was Elena running towards her to give her a very warming hug. These two didn't need words to know how appreciative they were of each other.

"So, what's for breakfast?" Elena asked.

Everyone was there to welcome Elena home. There was Jenna and Jeremy, Bonnie, Caroline and, of course, Matt. While each of them was choosing their seat, there was something Elena couldn't help but notice. There was one special person missing. She hadn't yet realized that this whole ordeal meant Alaric wasn't real as well. It wasn't only about people not being dead or supernatural. It was also about some people not existing at all. At this moment, Elena was surprised with the ridiculousness of her thoughts. After all, the Salvatores wouldn't exist too. However, something rooted deep inside was telling her otherwise. Besides, nobody cared for Damon or Stefan the way she did. But Alaric was different. Elena knew how right he was for Jenna. How happy he could make her, even if she hadn't met him. Maybe, and very probably, Elena was just daydreaming. Oh the irony! She was recalling the happiness between those two. How each one had its own heart crushed to the bone but, somewhere along the way, they met and healed each other. It wasn't as if nothing before mattered, of course it did. It was that they had learned from it. Then, as a reward, the universe granted them each other's company, understanding and love.

Snapping out of her train of thought, Elena just remembered Ric and everything he did for her and Jeremy. He had become such an important person in her life. Elena cared for him deeply. She considered him family. How could she not? Alaric always battled her fights; he was always there for them. So now, looking at this picture unraveling in front of her, she couldn't help but miss that teacher turned hunter turned parent.

"So, Elena, what are we going to do today?" Caroline asked excited.

"I was about to go out."

"Go where?" Jenna inquired.

"It's just something I need to do."

Silence took over the room. What could have Elena such urgency to do? She had been asleep for months.

"I'm feeling a little bit lost and trapped all at the same time. I thought about going for a walk around Mystic Falls. I want to go back to everyday life. I want to see if I missed something. I just feel this need to be, you know, normal as before. I'm tired of people looking over my shoulder and whispering behind me. I'm here, I'm alive and I'm ok. If people stop treating me like a freak I'll be much more comfortable."

"So, we'll go with you." Caroline replied once again in an over excited tone.

Elena looked at her with eyes that showed a sight she couldn't release. She knew her friends were only trying to be supportive, but didn't they hear that she feels trapped?

"Care," Bonnie called "I think Elena just needs some alone time."

"What? She has been alone for months."

"Hey! I was always with her." Jeremy returned.

"She doesn't need to be alone. She needs us. What do you think she'll do Bonnie? She'll be moping, thinking about her p-"

"Shut up, Care!" Matt yelled.

"You don't know that Caroline." Bonnie spoke in a calm voice. She was trying to be reasonable and, knowing Caroline as she did, Bonnie knew she had to be serene and assertive. "I know you're worried about Elena but we all have to trust her. She did nothing to break our trust."

"And you have to stop talking as if I weren't here."

The awkward silence was back. Caroline didn't mean to sound so harsh. She genuinely worried about Elena. Unfortunately, she had a rather childish way of demonstrating it.

Matt wouldn't dare to judge. He always had this amazing ability to look over what might upset him. It didn't matter if her boyfriend was a vampire or just ordinary, if it meant that Elena was happy, we would support her. He would also keep watch, you know, in case said boyfriend hurt her. But he wouldn't oppose. He was forced to grow up quickly, living without parents. He had to take care of his older sister, Vicky. It's not that she was a bad person; she was just lost in the world. When you don't have guidance, it is easy to lose track of whom you are and where you want to go. Matt couldn't afford being like that. Without responsible parents or any other mentor or guardian, he had to be the sensible one. And that was something that showed through his relationships. If he had a girlfriend, he would plan ahead. It was what he had to do. He desperately wants to break away from this life he is set to. When Matt finds that kind of support and love, he takes it. If it is a friendship, he takes care of it, he treasures it. Because Matt knows he only has his friends to lean on.

Bonnie was more of a sister than a friend. She would judge, and she would voice her opinions. She was just careful and smart enough to choose the right moment to do so. And this time, even though she was worried her friend might lose her mind, she knew Elena needed some time for herself. There was something inside of her, she could sense that, which needed to be resolved. Bonnie decided to give today to Elena, there would be another opportunity to talk to her friend and take more direct action towards her well-being.

Jenna and Jeremy stayed mostly quiet. Jeremy wasn't one to talk big game. If Elena wanted to do something, she was free to do so. He would always be there, on the other side of the bathroom, to help her whenever she needed. As for Jenna, she wasn't one to hover. She strongly believed that, if the kids were having some disagreement or discussion, they should be given the space to resolve it among themselves. Only when it was serious enough, would Jenna take action into her own hands. Otherwise she'd let them be. She had faith in all of them to be mature enough to take care of their issues.

The happy breakfast turned into a painful moment. That was when Jeremy decided to break the heaviness hanging in the air.

"Matt, I'm ready whenever you are."

"Ready for what?" Jenna asked.

"He has been bragging about his Xbox skills all morning. I've got to show him who is the boss here." Matt replied with a childish smile.

"Well, you guys do your guy thing. I'll go to the library to work on my thesis in a peaceful and quiet environment." She said teasing them.

"Caroline, do you want to come shopping with me?" This was a stupid question and Bonnie knew it. All she wanted was to set Elena free and entertain Caroline with something she would never say _"no"_ to. "My dad sent some money that I need to splurge."

"Of course! Let's go!" She replied enthusiastically.

They both got out of the table and said their goodbyes to Elena making her promise that if she needed anything, anything at all no matter the time, she would call them.

Elena got her opportunity. She had time alone and all Mystic Falls to wander. The question is, where would she start?

In a kind of déjà-vu moment, Elena entered the Mystic Falls Cemetery. As she walked she reminisced about what once happened there. Today she felt the need to say goodbye to her parents. A real goodbye so that she could go look for those two vampires who never left her mind.

When in front of her parents' grave, Elena fell to her knees not being able to hold the tears. She might have had time to deal with this loss; time she had no idea it was possible to have. Nevertheless, it still hurts a lot. Grayson and Miranda are dead, and there is nothing anyone can do about that. There is no dream to wake up from, no last chance of hoping for some magical solution.

A big part of Elena cried for the loss of her parents, the one's supposed to lead her through life. But there was still a small part of her that cried for the mess she was in. She hadn't had her breaking moment and this was it. She was alone and, right in front of her mom and dad, she let all her feelings flow. It was as if she was crying in their laps. Like the baby girl she once was used to do. When Elena raised her head, there was no crow or fog to run from. It was all clear, no shades or silhouettes peeking behind the statues. And, at that moment, this realization wasn't comforting at all.

Elena stood up and, in a very determined manner, she walked back home. She had to go get her car in order to drive to the one place she knew could hold proof of the existence of the two Salvatore brothers.

As she drove her way to the Boarding House, she had no idea what to expect. If Jenna is alive, that means Zach is alive too. Elena started preparing some conversation topics. She wanted to be invited into the house; she needed to know if the interior is anything like in her dream. If it is, it can only mean Stefan and Damon are real. She has never been to that place but somehow she dreamt about it. If it is the same, there has to be some veracity to her supernatural world.

Elena wished it was all the same, she longed for a sign that the boys were real, that her heart wasn't full of vain feelings. However, she was also afraid of facing the reality she found herself away from. She has just started a normal life again. What would happen if she had to, once more, face the fact that supernatural creatures exist? That she fell in love with vampires? If it is all the same, if they do exist as she so badly wishes, what does it mean that they left her abandoned after everything they all went through together? How could Damon not be by her side when he promised he would never leave her again? Why do these thoughts hurt more because of the absence of Damon in her life than because of Stefan's? Elena has no idea what to think or feel anymore. After all, she had chosen Stefan.

By the time Elena arrived at the Boarding House, the rambling going on inside her head finally stopped. She parked the car in the drive way and slowly stepped out of it. Her heart was beating so fast that even without vampire hearing she could hear it herself. She was completely scared but she had to power through it. She had to know how accurate her dream was.

With a trembling hand she knocked on the front door. Nobody answered and the house seemed quiet. Elena felt a little bit stupid. She had no idea if Zach was in town or if he had a job. She waited for a while, looked around the huge house and even tried to peek through the windows. But nobody showed up. That was when Elena decided to leave. She wouldn't give up though. She was going to find out a way to get inside this house, maybe ask someone when Zach might be at home.

Just when Elena was turning around, the door slowly opened. She turned back to face the door and there was no one in sight. Goosebumps spread across her but curiosity was greater. There was her chance, she had to take it. Slowly but surely, Elena put one foot in front of the other and stepped inside the Boarding House.

Standing at the corridor, a gasp echoed through her. It was exactly as she remembered. Elena looked for every little detail as a way to pinch herself that this is actually true. In an instant, she turned back to face the door, as expecting a crow to come in. She instantly smiled as realizing how stupid it was. Anyhow, this house was real as was everything inside of it, so she wasn't being dumb to prepare herself for any other kind of replay of her precious dream.

At this point, Elena's overwhelmed smile fell flat. She knew that when she turned her back towards the door again, he wouldn't be there.

She carefully looked up her shoulder and only emptiness remained. Turning, once again, her back fully to the door, she walked towards the living room and sit down on the steps. Elena was getting tremendously confused about why she was constantly thinking of Damon. Why did it hurt so bad not having him around, why did she miss him like this, why did everything remind her of him? Stefan was the one she was supposed to be thinking about, night and day.

During the time Elena was at the Salvatore's, staring at the huge kitsch-style room as someone once described it, she actually didn't feel crazy for the first time since the accident. She felt at peace, like the universe was starting to align.

Breaking the silence, Elena's phone rang, making her jump. She shouldn't be here. If Zach or anyone appeared, she might find herself in trouble. She wanted to gain his trust once she had properly met him. Now that she was here she didn't want to leave. Elena had to find a way to come to the Salvatore's more often.

When Elena got home, luckily nobody asked questions. The three of them had dinner together and she excused herself to her bedroom.

Elena felt tired but she couldn't sleep. She could only think about how her hope was restored. Now, more than ever, she knew Damon and Stefan had to be real. This was all the proof she needed.

Everything was agitated inside her so, to help her sleep and relax, she decided to take one of the pills Dr. Rose had prescribed her. Meanwhile, she picked up her diary and, sliding inside her bed, she started scribbling down the thoughts running through her mind.

After purging herself into her diary, Elena fell sound asleep. The day had been eventful. However, what she didn't expect was to find him, in her dreams, once again…

"_Hello, Elena." _

_Elena gasped, she was afraid of turning around. Did she really hear him?_

"_Elena…"_

_She heard him again, followed by some footsteps in her direction. She couldn't release her breath. She was afraid of getting disappointed._

_Once the footsteps stopped, she felt a single tear scrolling down her right cheek. There was absolutely no sound. It could only mean she was clearly hearing things and imagining it all in her mind, again. Letting her breath go she relaxed her body. For a second she thought that he was alive, that he was real. At that point, she turned around just to stare at the empty space between her bed and her window. Surprisingly, that space wasn't empty after all…_

* * *

_When I was at the cemetery today, I felt alone. I thought that somehow I could find something familiar. Right there, in front of my parents, I expected not only to feel their love, but also to feel the presence of Damon and Stefan. It was only later that I realized I'm not alone at all. I can still feel the gaze of those blue eyes upon me. It can all be clouded by foggy thoughts but, once I was at the Boarding House, I couldn't help not feeling alone. I felt comforted. I felt at home._

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for the support you're giving me. Not in my wildest dreams did I think this story would get this kind of response. Your reviews have been amazing and so kind. I feel blessed and beyond happy :)  
I'd like to thank Anya because she has been absolutely amazing and so patient with me. And I hope this chapter satisfied those of you who miss Damon :)  
**


	4. Chapter 3

_Dear diary,_

_Today, when I woke up, reality set in. Everything seems different and it makes much more sense. I thought I was alone. I thought he had lied to me. Today I know I couldn't be more wrong. There is a place in the world where I belong, where I'll never feel empty and lonely. And I know he's still with me, like he promised he would always be._

* * *

_After realizing that the sound of his voice could only be a trick from her imagination, Elena turned around just to stare at the empty space between her bed and her window. Surprisingly, that space wasn't empty after all. Damon was there, right in front of her. His head was tilted to the right with narrowed eyes, as he was trying to figure her out. Her first impulse was to run towards him and hug him, make sure he knew how much she treasured his life, how happy she was to know he was alive. However, she couldn't free herself to do so. _

"_Damon…" she said breathlessly._

_He smiled and stepped towards her until he reached her. His head lowered and her eyes met his. They stood silently for a second, hearing only each other's breathing rhythm. His was quiet, as if he was finally at peace. Hers was fast paced and uneven. Finally she succumbed. She quickly wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head into his chest. He hugged her back, not so desperately but tightly. Then, his head leaned to the left and met Elena's. Tears formed inside Elena's eyes and started rolling quickly down her face. Damon embraced her more firmly and let out a smile. They needed no words. Just the way they called each other's name conveyed all their nurturing._

Elena woke up tired after a restless night. The room was freezing. Her eyes filled with tears and her body was shivering. She couldn't get herself to move as her mind was set on one thing only: Damon. Once again it felt too real to be just a dream.

It was impossible not to be a little bit disappointed. After yesterday's adventure at the Boarding House, after realizing that her dream might have strong connections with reality, Elena was hoping she would actually be with Damon. She was so sure she felt his arms around her, protecting her once more the way only Damon did. That's when the tears started once again flowing. She missed him. Elena missed Damon terribly. Even though she once thought that dreaming about him, that getting her brain to give her some closure and peace of mind would suffice, Elena now knew how mistaken she had been. Dreaming wasn't enough. Making up lies in her head just to feel less guilty would never be enough. She needed to know for sure. And this thought gave her enough strength to get out of bed. She would never give up on her mission to find the Salvatore brothers.

While getting up she noticed her bedroom window was open. That was strange. Apparently Elena had forgotten to close it last night.

Someone knocked on Elena's bedroom door.

"Come in."

"Hey, Elena. Uh…can we talk, a little?"

"Sure Jenna. What is it?"

Jenna took a seat on Elena's unmade bed, she was trying to let out a timid smile but couldn't help her serious face.

"Do you have any plans for today?"

"No. Not really."

"Ok…" Jenna paused nervously. "I was thinking that the three of us could go have lunch at the Grill and talk a little."

"Of course. That sounds good."

"Great! It's a plan then." Jenna didn't sound as enthusiast as she wished. Elena was observing her as she was getting up moving out of the bedroom."

"Jenna?"

She stopped and turning towards her niece she opened her eyes wider curious for what's to come.

"Are you ok?"

She was surprised by Elena's question. "Yes, I am." And both returned to uncomfortable silence. Jenna was almost out of the door when she turned back to Elena and started ranting what had been shoved deep inside her for too long now.

"The thing is, Elena, are you okay? Because you seem kind of fine to me. I mean, is it weird that you seem to run away from your friends? Yes, it is. Do I expect you to be around me and Jeremy all the time? No, I don't. But I was half expecting you to mourn a little, you know? To call Bonnie and stay in your room. You'd only let her leave to bring you some comfort food and water or tea or whatever. I just…" Jenna was struggling to find the right words. She didn't want to push Elena away, but even if she wasn't one to hover, she couldn't stand still seeing her niece so distant from them. "I'm worried, Elena". There, she said it. Was it the maternal instincts in her kicking in? She had no idea. Jenna would never dare replace her late sister. But she was their aunt, she was now responsible for Elena and Jeremy and she would do her best taking care of them. "You seem so distant. Actually, you look different. You look more independent, more mature. It's strange, really." Jenna and Elena exchanged tender looks. They might be feeling apart, like there's something about them they don't know yet but, despite that, they love each other deeply. "I just want to make sure that you are ok, that you know we are always here for you, that you can count on us. Please don't shut yourself from our lives."

Elena was extremely surprised by this outburst.

"Jenna, I… I'm sorry if I've been neglecting you guys. I didn't mean to. It's just that…" Elena couldn't tell her the truth. It's not that she didn't trust her aunt but it would be too much to tell her the whole dream, especially what happened to Jenna in her unconscious mind. "I feel like a part of me is lacking and I guess I've been trying to find it on my own."

This was a fitting excuse. Jenna expected Elena to mourn her parents' death, so she wouldn't question this answer. Besides, Elena wasn't really lying to her. It was just a little misleading. She could live with that.

Jenna quickly stepped closer to Elena and hugged her firmly.

"I know sweetie. I'm sorry. Let's just go to lunch at the Grill and get our minds off of stuff, ok?"

"Yes, let's do that." Elena smiles as she parted from her aunt and went to get herself ready to go.

In her mind she couldn't stop wondering what last night meant. Was this her mind trying to ease her pain? Trying to get her to feel less guilty of Damon's fate? But wasn't it all just a dream? However, the Boarding House is all real. What does it all mean? Elena is utterly confused.

While straightening her hair, a delicate process that takes its time, Elena tried to imagine how she would react if, instead of Damon, it was Stefan the one to appear in front of her. She didn't know why but she couldn't feel the burning desire to see him, to feel him, to run in his direction like the world had stopped for the both of them. Elena cared for Stefan, but that was it. There was no magnetic field pulling her closer to him. So, being as invested as she is trying to find her two vampires, if she eventually succeeds how will she tell Stefan it's over?

As soon as those words crossed her mind - "_Elena and Stefan are over" _- the straightening iron fell from her hands. As she tried to quickly pick it up she burned her right wrist. Now it truly felt like the world had just started spinning again. The pain called Elena back to reality and there it was the real and unquestionable proof of a girl who could no longer live in a dreamy fairytale land.

Elena was trying to find solutions for all those "ifs" but, ultimately, she still didn't know whether the Salvatore brothers do exist. Even if they are real, the fact of the matter is that Elena made that whole story up. How stupid of her to think they are indeed in love with her. So, by the end of the day, she might as well enjoy her time with Jeremy, Jenna and all her friends because, even if Stefan and Damon appear, she was the one to dream so they probably wouldn't even know who she is.

Elena was ready and coming down the stairs where Jeremy was waiting for the women of the house.

"Hey sis. So, you agreed to this nonsense?"

"Of course Jer. We are still a family."

"Exactly! No complaints allowed." Jenna shouted on her way to the front door. Elena and Jeremy couldn't resist to laugh at how endearing was to see their super cool aunt trying to be so grown up and parent like.

As they entered the Mystic Grill everyone looked attentively, especially at Elena who had vowed to ignore it all. She came to the conclusion that if she wants to be seen as normal and healthy, she'd have to give them her usual casual behavior.

Jeremy picked a table and they all took their place. The mood was light as they all were trying to relax and forget the drama their lives have turned into.

"Hey guys! Would you like to look at the menu or do you know what you want?"

This voice coming behind Elena took her by surprise. She was petrified. With everything that was going on how could she have forgotten? Jenna was alive, Caroline wasn't a vampire so it's obvious that Vicki was alive as a human too. At first Elena was scared; all her memories of Vicki weren't that great, however, as soon as she realized what it all meant she was thrilled. Matt had his sister still, and Elena was relieved he didn't actually go through the trauma of loosing Vicki.

"Hi Vicki." Elena greeted with a smile.

"Are you feeling better Elena?" Vicki spoke in a weird almost sarcastic tone.

"I am, thank yo-"

"Great. 'Cause my brother isn't."

Vicky immediately walked away. Elena was stunned. Matt had seemed fine yesterday morning when he came for breakfast. Was she missing something? Jenna tried to ignore the incident in order not to worry Elena. Jeremy just laughed as he found somewhat amusing this little episode.

"I'll go order our burguers." He volunteered.

"Don't worry Elena. You know how Vicki has always been a tad inconstant."

"I know, but I was really glad to see her. I guess she doesn't feel the same." Elena shrugged.

"Just ignore her. When her mood improves she'll come around."

Elena didn't really believe that, but she let the subject go.

"So, aunt Jenna, what has happened n Mystic Falls while I wasn't around? Fill me in." Elena smiled. She really enjoyed her little chitchats with Jenna. She was always so much fun and carefree.

"Not much really. There is nobody to meet in this town."

And there it was. Jenna had no idea how much her words hurt Elena. She knew the perfect guy for her beloved aunt. Still, that guy was nothing but a ghost of her dream.

"You never know. There might be someone coming to town."

"I guess." Jenna replied pensive. "Wait a minute! You're agreeing with me. You agree that there are no guys to meet in this stupid town. Oh man, you have always been a sunshine ray of hope and even you agree. I'm doomed, doomed!" They both laughed. It was so good to be this young and cheery.

"I've just ordered our food. You know, Elena, you should probably talk to Matt. You were dating and now you don't even seem to care."

"What?" Elena was stunned at her little brother's harsh words.

"I asked Vicki what that was all about and apparently Matt is still kind of down. When he was with me at the hospital he was always so serious. But, you know, Matt isn't a laidback kind of guy so I didn't make much of it. I know he was worried and all but guys don't chat that much about those issues, you know? But I guess he has been really depressed and as last I checked you guys were dating I'm just saying that you should probably talk to him."

"Oh… yeah, you're right. I'll talk to him soon."

The conversation topic changed. The three of them had a good time being their usual goof selves. Elena was glad Jeremy didn't turn as she imagined in her dream. He was sweet, innocent and caring, but everyone has a darker side and Elena feared that at a time like this, with their parents gone, the pain would take over and he would succumb. Fortunately she was wrong. And this time together made her realize how she underestimates her little brother.

As they were finishing their dessert, Bonnie and Caroline entered the Grill and spotted them. Bonnie looked exhausted and Caroline was carrying what seemed a whole mall in bag forms.

"Hey guys!" Caroline approached the Gilberts in her adorable manner. "Elena, I'm so happy to see you."

"Likewise Care." Elena smiles patiently.

"So, do you have any more of your mysterious plans for tonight?"

"Nope. I'm all free."

Elena could see Bonnie's body relax in relief.

"Not anymore! You are coming to my house for a sleepover. You, me and Bonnie are having a girl's night just like in the old days. Ok?"

"Can I really refuse?" Elena said defiantly.

"Obviously not!"

"But I have the power to not authorize it, right?" Jenna joined the fun.

"Oh Jenna, please. You would never be that cruel."

"She knows us too well." Jenna said to Elena as they both laughed amused at Caroline's leading ways.

"So, Bonnie and I are going in order to prepare our theme."

"Wait, there's a theme?" Elena asked genuinely surprise.

"Of course! It's our first night together since you've woken up. It needs to be special and grand."

"And what's the theme?" Jenna inquired.

"It's a "one thousand and one nights" extravaganza! Don't take long Elena."

Bonnie could barely give her friend a "see you soon" wave as Caroline was already out of the door.

After paying their bill the three of them went back to the Gilbert house. Elena had to pack some cute PJ's and she wanted to bring some snacks. Jelly beans and ice-cream weren't that exotic for tonight's theme but she figured nobody would really care. Candy is always welcome.

After getting everything ready, Elena drove to Caroline's. The sun was already setting in as the day went by so fast. She was definitely feeling good for taking the time to appreciate her friends and family.

As she arrived Caroline was at the door receiving two large pizzas.

"You've finally arrived Elena."

"I'm here!"

"What took you so long?" Elena was going to answer her but she quickly moved on to more important matters. "Never mind. Isn't that guy cute?" She asked while closing the door.

"I couldn't really take a good look on him."

"Have I taught you nothing?" Caroline said exasperatedly. "You should always check up guys and, if a friend of yours is talking to one, you should check him up in excruciating detail."

Elena laughed and Caroline smiles at her friend. It's obvious that Caroline is over the top and dramatic. But sometimes she can make fun of herself too for the way she is. These are rare occasions but they do occur. The best thing to do is just to laugh it off and embrace such opportunities.

"Where is Bonnie?" Elena asked.

"She's getting my room, I'm sorry, our room properly themed."

Elena was scared about this. She quickly went to Caroline's room and she was in awe. The room had been reorganized so that there was plenty of space. There were huge comfy pillows laid all around the floor as well as tons of blankets. On top of the lampshades there were colored sheer fabrics to give it a more exotic mood. Everything was over the top but Elena couldn't resist it all.

"Bonnie, you out did yourself."

"Well, you know, who can go against Caroline's ideas?"

The two best friends hugged.

"I've missed you, you know? It's nice to have you back."

"It's nice to be back." Elena answered with a big smile.

"Let's stop with all the cheesiness. The pizzas are here so girls, go put on your PJ's and let's get this party started."

Even thought this night might turn out to be more exhausting than relaxing, Elena was now happy about it. Caroline always worked hard on everything; she would never let anything ruin her party. In fact, she worked so hard that usually it all ended up being about her and tonight Elena didn't mind this at all. In fact, she was in need of a full Caroline Forbes' party. For this time she wouldn't think about her vampire filled world.

* * *

_I came to the conclusion that I'm completely stupid. I've been trying to live my new life separating my two worlds: the real one and the dream one. The truth is, I have no idea if I can have both. I'm trying to, hard, but in the meantime I've learned to accept that they can coexist. I don't need to separate them like it's impossible to have both. It's obvious that there will be time in which I'll feel lonely, because the reality is my parents aren't here, I was at that accident and everything has changed. So I'm allowed to have my moments. But, at the same time, I lived for almost a year in this supernatural world where I came to understand that life isn't as easy and defined as I thought. There is good and there is bad, however, the beauty of it all is that, somewhere in between of those, there is reality. I'm finding it now in this second chance I've gotten to live life, to be with everyone I love, and to be my true self. _

**Author's Note: I'm really sorry this chapter took longer than I anticipated. But the next one will come soon :) I know many of you are eagerly waiting for Damon's appearance. It's almost upon us, I can promise you that. Right now I have a very defined story arc so I'm getting there. I just really want Elena to understand everything this experience is allowing her. She has been through so much and, before embarking on another adventure, she has to deal with everything that happened. Please don't get discouraged as this is, in fact, a DE story. As usual, thank you to Anya because without her this story would never be possible.**


	5. Chapter 4

_Dear diary,_

_It may sound weird, but I'm feeling more grown up. I look back at my dream and I don't really recognize the girl I was. It's as if that girl is the darkest side of me. I've lost a lot. At times I doubt if I can ever live freely again. However, I feel I've gained a lot as well…_

* * *

The pizza boxes were open with half eaten pizzas. Caroline clearly ordered more than she needed but this was a true girl's night. There was no time to worry about too many carbs.

They had everything they might need nearby. They could paint nails and do facials but instead Caroline started off the night with her impromptu self.

"So, if this is a 'One thousand and one nights' kind of party we have to tell stories."

"I thought we were just hanging. I have nothing much to tell." replied Bonnie begging Caroline to just chill.

"Well, you both have a lot to tell _me_. After all, I missed the last few months. Please, update me." Elena said quickly.

"No missy, I believe it is _you_ who has a lot to tell _us_."

"W-what?" Elena was startled by Caroline's comment.

"I mean, what did you dream while you were… you know, asleep" Caroline hesitantly looked Elena in the eyes. She knew she was walking on thin ice but she couldn't restrain herself. She had to know. The curiosity was killing her.

Elena, on the other hand, was surprised that she was being asked directly about her coma for the first time. Nevertheless, she didn't feel comfortable enough to tell them about her precious dream.

"I'm sorry Caroline, I don't feel like talking about that."

"Care, leave her alone. It's none of our business."

Bonnie tried to help Elena, she noticed how uncomfortable she was. However, Caroline was too stubborn and determined to get her way, as always. So she kept insisting.

"Come on Elena. We tell each other everything since we were like…babies! Why are you stopping now?"

"It's too personal." Elena shrugged her shoulders, this clearly wasn't enough to convince Caroline to let the subject go, so she continued, "it's too weird."

"That's the fun part!" replied Caroline cheerfully.

Bonnie exchanged a look with Elena that clearly meant she had to spill the beans. Elena was really upset about all this. This night was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to help her forget about her little supernatural world. It was supposed to make her forget the Salvatore brothers. This night was clearly turning into a tremendous failure.

"Ok, alright, but you guys have to promise not to tell anyone!"

She knew that she wouldn't be able to change Caroline's mind which meant she might as well start talking. Both Bonnie and Caroline's bodies stiffened at the prospect of what was coming. They sealed their lips giving Elena the assurance that this story was not leaving this room. As Elena straightened herself, the girls picked a more comfortable position in their pool of pillows. Their eyes were wide open expecting attentively the words to come.

"Well, I had this super vivid dream. It all felt too real to just be a simple dream. These two brothers, the Salvatores, came to Mystic Falls. You know the old boarding house?"

"Oh my god! Yes, that place is huge. People say it's haunted."

"What? Caroline, come on…" intervened Bonnie.

"Didn't you know? They say that a curse surrounds the Salvatore family. A lot of Salvatores have died under suspicious circumstances. The story goes that the ghost of one of them haunts the place. That's why nobody lives there. The remaining Salvatore family members avoid that place and this town. The boarding house remains closed because nobody wants to stay there."

"Seriously, where do you get this stuff, Care?"

"Around town… I like talking to people, you know?"

"Wait, are you sure about that? Zach lives there." Elena asked hopeful.

"Sure. Zach Salvatore comes here from time to time. They are one of the founding families, so he pops up sporadically just to check up on things."

In spite of the fact that her family was also one of the founding families, Elena never dealt with any of the meetings stuff. That was her parents' responsibility. She and Jeremy were too young to get involved in it all. Contrary to Caroline, she didn't care that much about the council.

"I had no idea about that."

"Well, you do now. But, carry on. Are the Salvatores in your dream hot? 'Cause Zach is not that memorable." she asked with a suggestive smile.

"As a matter of fact, yes, they were _so_ hot" replied Elena giggling. This was the perfect queue to start this conversation. The mood was now lighter and talking about guys is the perfect topic for any girls' night.

"Do tell!"

"Well, the younger was Stefan. He was about our age and his body looked like a sculpture, super defined and strong. The older was Damon, Damon Salvatore" Elena let out a sight while pronouncing his name but quickly picked herself up hoping that the girls hadn't noticed the change in her voice, "he is older, maybe in his mid twenties. He was tall, had the darkest hair and the bluest eyes. His body didn't look like such a rock and perfection as Stefan's. But it looked smoother, more inviting."

"Oh my God!" Caroline yelled taking the girls by surprise.

"What?" Elena asked worried.

"You have the biggest crush on that Damon Salvatore. Just the way you pronounced his name, like, his full name."

"I've got to back her up on this one." Bonnie said with a resigning look.

Elena was busted. They noticed and she couldn't avoid it. She could not believe the way she talked about Damon, the way she was constantly thinking about him. However, she had to defend herself.

"Well, in my dream, I was Stefan's girlfriend."

Bonnie and Caroline were surprised. She practically didn't talk Stefan over. They wanted to know more, they wanted to know all of it. But Elena had yet to tell them the most important detail.

"The surprising part of this world I lived in is that…people weren't exactly human."

"What do you mean?" asked Bonnie cautiously.

"Stefan and Damon were vampires."

The girls were surprised and tried not to laugh but, despite their effort, Caroline couldn't avoid a snarky comment.

"You read too much twilight."

Elena rolled her eyes at her comment. If she was to be mocked, she wouldn't go on with the confession.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to discourage you. I'm honestly curious, please continue." Caroline quickly stated.

"At the beginning I didn't know about their supernatural nature. I fell for Stefan instantly and I only met his brother later. Damon was mysterious and different. Stefan was always polite and correct. Anyway, this town was all creepy and weird. You, Bonnie, were a witch, and Caroline started human but somewhere along the way she got turned into a vampire as well. Tyler was a werewolf that eventually became a hybrid, a mixture between a werewolf and a vampire. There were villains coming to hurt us. Let's just say I went through some pretty dangerous adventures."

"And what about you? Were you different too?" asked Bonnie. She and Caroline couldn't even process all these information but they couldn't let it transpire. They wanted to know more.

"Well, not exactly. I mean, I wasn't immortal or super strong. I was adopted and my biological mother came from a lineage that from time to time would pop up a doppelganger. And our blood was special and precious. That is mostly why I was constantly in danger and evil came into this town."

They talked all night. Elena had a full year of adventures to tell. It was all so different and bizarre that she was flooded with questions. However, in the middle of all this macabre stuff, Elena felt relived. She had her friends back, safe and sound. After all, the bad stuff never happened and that was a huge plus. Besides, they were truly interested in her unlike dream.

The girls talked through almost the entire night and eventually they succumbed to the tiredness and fell asleep.

When the morning came, Elena woke up feeling much more relaxed. She had been in this new reality for a few days now and she was learning to deal with both her experiences. Knowing that, after such long months, her friends are still with her, and they are just like they were before, it's very reassuring. She couldn't help but wonder if it would be possible to keep the best of both worlds? On one hand, nobody was hurt and everyone was still human. On the other hand, if she's able to find the Salvatores, will things go as expected? Could she really have it all? It was a long shot, of course, but Elena would never give up hope.

Caroline came out of the bathroom looking already ready and perfect to start off her day.

"Elena! You're awake."

Elena jumped at the sound of Caroline's voice, always full of energy and excitement.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, I did." Elena said with a smile.

"Great! Now get up and get ready because we're going for waffles at the Grill."

Elena got up and noticed Bonnie was still asleep. She looked so peaceful. Elena remembered how her friend was prone to having nightmares. Fortunately it was no longer true.

Bonnie had gone through so much, as well. She had lost the most important members of her family. The hard part was that those losses were to keep Elena safe. It has an extremely heavy burden for Elena to carry. Nevertheless, that devotion, the love Bonnie must have for her, was something extraordinarily amazing.

Elena smiled for the few seconds she stood there, observing her best friend. There could come a thousand Salvatore brothers plus original vampires galore, but the bond the two girls shared was too strong for anyone to break. Of course they'd have their disagreements as it's only natural; as natural as the sisterhood uniting them.

The mood was light and the girls were constantly smiling and laughing. When they arrived at the Grill, they quickly chose a table and settled. Just yesterday, when Elena came here with her aunt and brother, everyone stopped to look at them, especially at her. This time it was different. The dynamic of the girls together sparked a new energy. It just felt right, real and ordinary. Elena felt comfortable. Everything in Mystic Falls was falling into place, just like it used to be.

"So, what do you girls want to eat?"

That voice again. Elena stiffened in her seat.

"Hi to you too, Vicky." Caroline quickly responded. "We'd like to order waffles."

"Sure thing."

Just when Vicky left Caroline asked bitterly, "What was that? Vicky is so rude, God!"

"It's probably because of me." Elena answered.

"Because of you?"

"I haven't talked to Matt yet."

Bonnie and Caroline stayed quiet just looking at Elena waiting for her to properly elaborate. Elena lowers her eyes and focus on the table, her voice lowers as well as she is almost whispering.

"I forgot I still had to breakup with him."

Her friends exchanged worried looks.

"In my dream we were already done with that. We were friends and it was nice. I didn't realize that in reality that hadn't actually happened."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Elena" Bonnie quickly said while grasping for Elena's hand. "You have been through so much, it's understandable that you're still figuring things out."

"But Matt has been waiting for me, hasn't he?"

Nobody answered. Both girls knew about the nights he'd spent in hospital by Elena's bed. He'd always take care of her, protect her. He would never turn his back on her. But they also understood where Elena was coming from. She couldn't be held accountable. She was in a terrible accident and she had a slow and difficult recovery. All Bonnie and Caroline could do was to be there for both her friends.

"Oh God…" it was as if Elena could read their minds "I have to talk with him, soon."

"Elena," Bonnie started, "don't listen to her. You know how Vicki is."

"I know, but she's right. I feel bad that I didn't think about him."

Bonnie knew how Elena felt about Matt before the accident. She knew her friend didn't want to hurt him and that was both the reason she couldn't break up with him or keep faking a love that wasn't there anymore.

"So, you're breaking up with Matt?" asked Caroline in a tone almost angry.

"Yes, I have to."

"You have to?"

"I can't keep stringing him along Caroline."

Bonnie smiled. She understood perfectly. Caroline, on the other hand, couldn't really decide what her thoughts on the matter were. So she quickly changed the subject and the weirdness in the hair somehow dissipated.

The girls enjoyed their brunch until it was time for Elena to go. Today was her first session with Dr. Rose since she had left the hospital. Elena wasn't looking forward to this moment but, at the same time, she felt this need to talk to someone. Even if there's no one who can completely understand and relate to her, she still found some comfort in talking to someone who, at least, wouldn't judge her. Elena was coming back to life slowly but steadily. She wouldn't be looking at the glass half empty. If this is what she has to go through, she will. And Elena will never give hope on the thought that, somewhere along the way, her Salvatore will appear. She's certain, even if at times she might break. She knows he would never leave her.

"Hello Elena, how are you today?"

Just as Elena sit down Dr. Rose promptly began.

"I'm fine, thank you." Elena couldn't help feeling weird, "And you?"

"I'm fine too, thanks." Rose smiled at Elena's attempt at being casual. "How were these days facing the world again?"

"I had my moments."

Dr. Rose raised her head from her notebook waiting for Elena to continue.

"It was hard at the beginning, but I'm assuming you've predicted that as soon as I left the hospital."

"Life is hard Elena. No matter our mind's state. What matters is how you face it, what you do to live through it."

There was something amazing about this doctor. Elena would always show up at her door feeling bad and stupid for needing to be there. It was always somewhat strange opening up to someone who doesn't know her. Despite Elena being open minded about it, the truth is the weirdness would always be there. The interesting thing was how in a matter of minutes Rose made her feel so comfortable. She was glad for her doctor's approach, which gave her enough strength and space to be herself, without filters.

Elena relaxed and started again, "The best thing has been being around my brother and my aunt. It feels great to have a family again."

"In your dream, were they dead?"

"Not at first. But because of me Jenna ended up dying and Jeremy's life was always in danger."

"Elena," Dr. Rose started as Elena looked at her attentively. The tone in her voice sounded so serious it was even scary. "Your parents' death is not your fault."

Elena froze.

"It was an accident, a terrible and unfortunate accident. Accidents happen. They are part of life's complications and messiness. It's hard dealing with such a thing, especially since you were there. I know you feel involved. But you did nothing to provoke it. Most of the time there is no explanation to why accidents happen, they just do. You have to value yourself more. You're not a bad luck charm. Your parents would be beyond happy to know you survived, that's all they wanted. All a parent wants is to give live, to provide life. You're here being able to live. Just do. You won't bring more death to your loved ones."

Elena couldn't stop the flow of tears coming down from her eyes. It was so hard not feeling guilty.

"But I called them. If I hadn't, they'd be here. There wouldn't have been an accident. How can you say it's not my fault?"

"Because you were just living your life. You ditched a family dinner, like any teenager does, to go to a party and hang with your friends. You did nothing more Elena."

"If I at least hadn't fought with Matt-"

"Will you keep basing your existence on 'ifs' and 'whatnots'? That's not living, that's surviving. You're not dead Elena, you're not one of those supernatural beings of your dream. You are a human girl who has lost a lot, but who also still has a lot more."

Elena cried without being able to stop. She understood what her doctor was telling her. She really did. There were just a lot of feelings shoved deep inside her.

"I'm sorry…"

"For what, Elena?"

This question woke Elena up. Suddenly she felt some life coming to her. This kind of reaction, the phrasing, the words and the emphasis, it reminded her of Damon. That was something he would say to her. He'd never ignore her feelings but he also wouldn't overvalue them. He knew exactly how to deal and how to make her feel better.

In a calmer manner Elena answered, "For being so childish."

"You're not childish. No matter how old we are, our parents are always important. Just like they look at us as if we're still babies, we also look at them as the caring shelter they are. You just have to accept life as it is and take for yourself the best it has to offer."

Elena smiled. She knew exactly what she had to do. Life was just beginning to her. Not the same old life but a new one, a different life where two completely different worlds were starting to align and co-exist.

* * *

_I don't believe I can ever behave the same way as in my dream. I'm not looking for the same things anymore. Something shifted inside of me, like high school life is too small now. It doesn't fulfill me. I want more. I want to see the world without restraints and judgments._

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the long time it took me to update this story. Life has gotten in the way and messed up my schedule. Once more I want to thank Anya from the bottom of my heart. She's the best! She keeps reviewing this story and she gives me tons of confidence. I cannot thank you all enough as well because you've been so supportive of this story. Thank you! Keep reviewing and feel free to contact me. :)**


	6. Chapter 5

Dear diary,

It takes time to find the right thing, the right path. Sometimes we want answers right away and other times we are patient enough for life to take its course. Either way, I've spent a long time believing I had found my path. Now that I know it isn't exactly as I thought, I feel challenged to pursue it again.

* * *

Elena left Dr. Rose's office feeling tired. All the talk was exhausting, digging up matters that are easier left alone, ignored. Dr. Rose would never allow anything to be left out. She was precise with her questions and she made Elena discuss the Matt issue. By now Elena knew there was no point trying to avoid the subject. If she was asked about it, she had to answer.

Elena explained how they used to date, how they were _supposed_ to date because it felt only logical. She cared for him deeply, but was she in love with him? No. Had she ever been in love with him? Probably not. People usually say that when you're in love you know it. Elena didn't know it, so she probably never truly loved him, passionately, dangerously.

"I just don't know how to do this."

"You don't know how to break up with him?"

"No..."

At this instant, Elena felt a terrible need to have her mom back. They used to talk about Matt, about boys, about stuff like this. This was a matter to discuss with her mom, to cry in her lap asking her how the hell do you break up with someone. She knew she wasn't a kid anymore, nobody could do this for her nor did she actually intended it that way.

"You're just afraid, Elena." Dr. Rose said in such a calm voice that it caught Elena's attention. "Nobody knows how to do a break up, this things don't get planned methodically."

"I know...I'm sorry, I sound so childish."

"So what is it?"

"I had already broken up with him."

"In your dream?" the doctor asked carefully.

"Yes."

There was a silence. Rose wanted to give Elena all the time and space she needed to feel comfortable enough to talk about the dream, the other reality she was so curious about.

"After my parents accident, in my dream that is, Matt understood he had to give me space."

"As he's understanding now?"

"I guess..." Elena shrugged. "He was hurt at first, because of Stefan, but somehow we managed to stay friends."

"And you're afraid of things being different now."

"Exactly." There was an excitement in Elena's voice that put a smile at Dr. Rose's face. Elena felt understood and it felt good. On the other hand, Rose also felt somehow exhilarated by finally starting to get through Elena, to know she's letting her guard down with her. They are finally trusting and understanding each other.

"Well, that's a risk you'll have to take Elena. But do you want to know what I think?" The doctor relaxed in her chair, looked directly into Elena's eyes and waited for approval. Elena simply nodded. "I believe in the human brain, in the human subconscious. If in your dream you two managed to get through a break up, I'm sure you deep down know that you'll get through it again. Life is testing you, Elena. If you had the courage to do it once, you have the courage to do it twice. I'm sure you already know that the worst you could do is-"

"stringing him along."

"Exactly." Rose was surprised but proud to see Elena's growth. This was not the scared little girl lying in a hospital bed that she first met. In such a short amount of time she had been making good progress.

Elena was riding back home, thinking about her conversation with Dr. Rose. Her life is so different now. Sometimes it scares the hell out of her. Other times, when she is alone in her thoughts like now, there's a part inside her that feels empowered. She knows what she wants. She just needs to get it. And the first step? Well, just like before, the first step is to let Matt go so that both can get what they want.

Elena took a deep breath and made a detour towards Matt's house. She rang the doorbell hoping Vicki wouldn't be the one answering. The situation was difficult and awkward as it is. Fortunately, it was Matt who came to the door. As he looked at Elena he almost let a smile show. Nevertheless he knew to be cautious. Matt knows how ephemeral happiness can be.

"Hi." Elena said with a timid smile.

"Elena, come in."

At first she didn't know if she should go inside. She felt like an intrude. However, they have been friends forever, they were friends before dating so she thanked him for the invite and stepped inside. Both went directly into the living room. Elena sat on the couch as Matt decided to take the armchair across her. The house was silent. Vicky was probably either at work or out with her friends. As for Matt's mom, Elena knew she wasn't a constant presence in his life. It was a shame. It's not that she was a bad person, she just didn't know how to be a mom. They were home alone which made Elena feel slightly more comfortable, if that was even possible.

"How are you, Elena?" Matt asked noticing her confused face.

"I'm fine, thank you." She answered quickly as he had just pulled her from her thoughts. "How are _you_?" She asked concerned.

"I'll survive."

As Matt replied, he gave her that side smile of his. Elena knew it too well. Yes, he'd survive. He always survives the many challenges life puts in front of him. But she also knew how fake that smile was. He would definitely survive but it would take time. And that smile conveyed that perfectly.

"Matt, I came here because I need to talk to you."

"I know."

"You do?"

"Yes, Elena. I figured it all out after you went home from the hospital and didn't call me once."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"You've been in a massive accident and everything, I understand that right now there's no place for me in your life."

"You'll always be in my life." Elena said taking herself to the edge of her sit as if trying to reach him. "You're my friend, a very important friend. There will always be a place for you in my life."

"A friend place."

"I know this will probably take time. But the place is there, it won't ever leave. When you feel like it, just come claim it. Okay?" Elena was trying to look Matt in the eyes to assure him he'd always be special.

Matt nodded and Elena took this as her queue to leave and let him heal. She got up, gave Matt a tight hug and said her goodbye.

As she got into her car again she didn't feel empowered. Those were definitely rare moments. Right now she felt crushed and damn scared. At this moment, going back to her house wasn't an option. There was just one place in the world where she wanted to be, where she felt secure, so she rode across the Wickery Bridge until she arrived at her destination.

The house was huge and grand as always. She turned off her car and with it the only lights illuminating the place. Everything was dark but she wasn't afraid. Right there, alone inside her car, surrendered to all the darkness, Elena relaxed and let herself fall asleep until morning.

The morning sunshine woke Elena up. It might be expected for her to wake up confused, but that wasn't the case. She remembered last night perfectly. She knew she had fallen asleep inside her car right in front of the Salvatore's Boarding House. What she didn't remember was getting into the back seat of the car. She was laying there all curled up. How did she get there? Her body felt a bit sore but her mind was clear. She decided to get out of the car to stretch herself. This place was so beautiful with such inviting gardens.

As she stepped out of the car she noticed something on the ground. Footsteps. There were footsteps pointing directly into the back seats door. Elena gasped. At first she felt terrified. This meant that somebody had put her in the back seat. But who would do that without any intention of harming her? Who would do that in such a way she'd never felt a thing? Someone had been there, last night, with her. Someone who wasn't human. Someone different. Someone special.

Elena's phone rang snapping her out of her own head. It was Jenna. Elena immediately knew she was in trouble.

"Hi Jenna!" She greeted in her best voice.

"Elena? Elena, where are you?" Jenna shouted.

"I'm with Bonnie" she lied. But before she could elaborate Jenna kept going.

"You can't keep doing this Elena! You can't not come home! Are you listening to me? You have a house, a bed, it's supposed to be for you to sleep in."

"Jenna, breath." Elena couldn't help but feel slightly amused. She knew she had screwed up and that she was in trouble. But listening to Jenna being so protective in her own way was amusing.

"No! You listen to me, the next time you do this I...I...I'll have to punish you!"

"You're right. I won't do it again, okay? I'm fine, rest assured."

"You better be. Now, try to remember you have a home and a family, ok?"

"I will aunt Jenna." Elena said with a smile.

As she hang up the phone, Elena knew she had to call Bonnie. Fortunately her friend had stayed home all night and morning so her lie was perfectly secure. Now that all the drama was taken care of, Elena decided to take just another look around the house searching for more evidences. One of the Salvatores had to be here. Or maybe both. But which one had come to her? If at first Elena was excited and even exhilarated from the prospect of the Salvatores being real, she then got extremely mad. If one of them, or both, had been there, why didn't they let her notice them? If someone had been spying on her, he'd certainly know what she has been going through. How everyone in this freaking town thinks she's crazy and how much she misses them. The thought of the lack of courage to step forward from either of the brothers made Elena sick. She was so upset that she paced towards the car and decided to drive back to her house.

After taking a shower and changing her clothes, Elena found a message on her phone from Caroline. It only urged her to go to the Grill, to which Elena promptly obliged.

As Elena reached the table, an over smiling Caroline slid through it an old looking key.

"What is it Caroline?" Elena asked while sitting.

"This is your opportunity." She answered excited.

"My opportunity? For what?"

"To find your dream prince charming."

"My what?" Elena asked laughing at the ridiculousness of the conversation but Caroline turned serious.

"Elena, this is the key to the old Boarding House."

Elena froze. She couldn't believe what was right in front of her.

"How did you get this?"

Now that Caroline knew she had gotten her friends full attention, she relaxed and answered.

"I knew how much you wanted to get inside that place. Zach Salvatore is going out of town for a while and he needs someone to water the plants and air the place. I thought you'd be perfect for this task."

Elena decided it was best not to tell her friend she had already been inside the mansion. What Elena needed was just a legal and more appropriate way to spend some time there. This was indeed the perfect opportunity for her to look for clues. Slowly everything started to come to her, how she'll be able to roam the place, to look inside the bedrooms. Maybe there will be pictures or diaries or any kind of document, of proof, that Stefan and Damon are real.

Elena grasped her friend's hands that were resting on top of the table, "Thank you Caroline." She said whole-heartedly.

Caroline smiled feeling proud of herself.

After spending some time with her friend, laughing and chilling, Elena drove back home. She still couldn't believe the opportunity she was given. There was some weird feeling hanging in the air. She tried to look for Zach who could never be found despite the fact that people in town did know him. As for Caroline, who Elena thought would never understand her situation, she was the one to get her closer to her dream.

As Elena drove, she could only think about what she was going to tell Jenna. She wanted to gather her things and go straight to the Boarding House. She needed to see more than just the foyer. She wanted to feel close to him. She wanted to be at home.

Finally Elena arrived at her house. She slowly closed the front door with her back and let out a sight praying for some kind of extra strength to come her way. She knew that asking for Jenna's permission to sleep at the Boarding House wouldn't be an easy task.

"Hey, are you glued to the door there?" Her aunt asked.

For the second time today Elena was taken aback by the familiar words coming out from the wrong mouthes.

"Hi. We need to talk."

Both stepped into the kitchen. Elena set by the table while Jenna grabbed some tea.

"Is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine." Elena said with a smile. "Caroline got me a sort of a job, I guess."

"Really?" Jenna asked intrigued.

"I'm going to take care of the old Boarding House."

"You're going to take care of a house?"

Elena let out a small laugh at her aunt's confused inquiry.

"Zach, the owner of the place I guess, had to step out of town for a while and I just have to water the plants, get the mail, air the place, you know...standard stuff."

"Okay..."

"What?"

"Nothing. I was just expecting something different, that's all. But that's it? That's what you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Sort of." Elena paused as her aunt looked at her puzzled. "I wanted to ask you if it's ok that I sleep there tonight."

"You want to sleep alone in that humongous place? All my yourself?"

"I find that place fascinating and I wanted to take this chance to be there."

"Can't you go there during the day?" Jenna had a very hard time saying _no_ to her niece. Elena was a nice kid, even though she didn't see her as a child. She always behaved and has never gotten herself into any harmful situation. She was just exploring the world, which is normal. Jenna knew that herself had made her fare share of world exploring and she turned out alright. It was just that Elena had been through so much that her aunt wanted to shield her as much as possible. But the truth is nobody can shield the others. People have to go through their own paths and Jenna knew this. She'd always be there for her niece no matter what. Some days she would yell and try to be all disciplinary, and other days she would be the cool aunt who was more like a sister than an authority figure.

"I know I haven't been much of a family member, but I just need to be there."

"Ok." Jenna sighted as she got up the table. "You can go but tomorrow I'll be there with lunch."

"Of course!" Elena blasted the biggest smile Jenna had seen since the accident.

"And keep me posted! Rumor has it that place is haunted. Try not to get swept off your feet by evil ghosts."

"I won't. I'm very much protected there." Elena shouted while climbing the stairs to pack. She picked up an old bag and threw in there the first things she found on her closet. As she moved to the drawers she couldn't help but noticed the red lingerie that had such an appeal to Damon in her dream. Carefully she picked it up and stared at it for awhile. If Damon is real he would surely present himself knowing she was wearing such a thing. Elena laughed at her silly thought. Constantly thinking about Damon and completely ignoring Stefan was becoming too natural. She decided not to pack the lingerie. It could definitely be a good luck charm, just not right now.

After finishing packing everything else she needed she went to Jeremy's room.

"May I?"

"Sure." He said turning to face Elena.

"I just came to say goodbye. I'm going to the old Boarding House."

"You're staying there?"

"Yeah."

"Ok then, the place seems cool."

Elena smiled at her brother relaxed approach.

"You can come check it out sometime if you want."

"I will. Thanks."

Elena turned around to go back to her room and get her stuff. As she was crossing the bathroom Jeremy asked, "But you're good, right?"

"I am. They need someone to take care of the house and I'm free. That's all."

"I'll visit you then."

Elena and Jeremy's relationship would never be cheesy, but they were close. They usually knew when to step in or when to step back. They wouldn't hover each other unless dramatic measures needed to be taken. Without using any words, they knew how much each one cared for the other and that was heartwarming enough.

Elena got her stuff and drove to the Salvatores'. When she got there everything seemed to occur in slow motion. She parked the car, stepped out of it and took out of her pocket the old detailed key. She expected to feel nervous, maybe somewhat afraid, but that wasn't the case. Elena was relaxed, she knew this was the next step to be taken. After opening the door everything was pitch black inside. Elena walked in looking for the switch to turn on the lights and she could still smell the burnt wood of a fireplace. Was this just her imagination? Or was it real? She finally turned on the lights and her mind just got all clear. Elena was home and there was a lot to be done.

Not bothering herself with the intense smell she was feeling, Elena went back to close the door and lock it. After that she knew she needed a room so she got her bag and went upstairs. There was plenty to choose from but Elena knew which one she wanted. She went straight to Damon's room and it was at that point, standing right outside of it, that she somewhat trembled. This was it. Elena was going to open that door and what if it wasn't the same? What if there was no clues whatsoever and she would still have to be there in that place full of dreams and so empty of reality? Nevertheless, Elena wasn't a quitter. With all her bravery she opened the door pushing it away. For a second she lost all her ability to breath. Very slowly she stepped one foot inside the room, as if she was learning to walk again. The moonlight invaded the room creating the most beautiful and unique ambience. Elena got all caught up on her emotions. She wanted to laugh but tears were dreaming from her eyes. Everything was the same. The huge bed, the fireplace, the mirror, even the "Gone with the wind" book by the bedside table. Next Elena turned her face towards the bathroom. The huge, simple and absolutely inviting bathtub, the shower and the double sink. It was all as in her dream. It was all as it should be. It was all perfect.

* * *

Dear diary,

I'm naive to believe I know what I'm doing, where I'm going. But I have to believe in something. I believe that right now this is what I need, what I want. I've never felt so close to him. His presence is everywhere. My heart burns with excitement but I feel calm as I just came home.

**Author's Note: I know I've been taking a lot of time updating this story. I've been extremely busy but I want to assure all of you who enjoy reading this story that I will finish it. I'm as passionate writing it now as I was when I first started. I just ask of you to be patient with me as I don't have as much time as I used to. Thank you all, once more, for your support. Please keep reviewing and always feel free to contact me.**


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